Patriots Report: Bye Week

In a stunning upset Bye has beaten the Patriots by a shut out. Coach Slough of team Bye said: "It is fair to say that the Patriots underestimated us. I think they were taking us for granted when the Patriots didn't field any of their starters."

Despite an uneventful first half, the tide turned in the second half when the Byes held New England to zero yards offense both on the ground and in the air. Never before in the history of the Patriots have they been held to zero yards.

Bill Belichek had this to say: "We were unable to get any spy film footage of the Byes and therefore we never knew how to prepare. It was like we didn't even show up for the game. We are shocked by this. Honestly we thought we could coast through the weekend and save some of our banged up players. Team Bye couldn't even beat a high school team. We just didn't see it coming."

Heading into next week Belichek vented his sour grapes.... "This was the worst officiated game I have ever seen. They were totally absent minded with their calls. They didn't even get the coin toss correct."

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell dismissed calls for suspected game fixing. "As far as we can tell nothing suspicious happened on the field even though Vegas bookmakers made huge payouts to Ben Bernanke."

No comments were available at press time as Mr. Bernanke's office refused to return our calls. High level un-named sources told us: "Ben is used to money from nothing. It is not unusual for him to profit in this manner."

When pressed further our source did admit that Bernie Madoff expressed severe jealousy as did Michael Astrue the Social Security Commissioner who confessed: "We have been doing transactions like this for years. It now seems that others have discovered our technique. Not the least of which are the Byes who have managed to prevail with nothing. Until now only a select few have been able to prevail with nothing. We are very concerned. They could even win the Super Bowl. Nothing can stop them now."